Paul Maxwell's Last Words

Jim Francis on the left, Paul Maxwell on the right.

Paul was scheduled to speak at the Houghton College Chapel on Friday morning, September 27th. He and his roommate, Jim Francis, were killed in an auto accident on September 25th. These notes for his chapel message were found on Paul’s desk, written the night before his death. Even after 20 years, he has something to say. Make sure to read all the way to the end.

Three years ago I had the incredible opportunity to spend part of a summer in Japan working with high school students through an organization called Hi-B.A.

It was amazing to see such a different part of the world, bu even more amazing to witness what God was doing over there—changing the lives of Japanese high school students.

This summer I was invited to return to Japan as part of a summer college team for a period of two months. I would work alongside the Japanese and American missionaries and my college teammate Mark from California. I was excited when I got there, as I had been to Japan before and knew a few words of Japanese and would meet old friends. My friend Mark, on the other hand, was without a clue. So it put me one up on him.

That excitement I felt when I thankfully stepped off that DC-10 after nearly 20 hours of flight only increased up to the day I sadly had to leave. What god did this summer through Gospel Team outreaches in the cities of Osaka and Tokyo to over 700 high school students astounded me. Japanese students were anxious to see and hear about the “God of the West”, which they have only heard on TV and in movies when used as a cuss word.


But even then, through the loud actions of love and acceptance, the power of God’s Holy Spirit made on impression on hearts that will have altered lives forever. And later on, towards the end of the summer, during the week-long camps at the coast, God brought a happiness to dismal lives that a week of making friends, playing sports, and swimming in the Pacific could never come close to doing.

For in that time, high school students met THE GOD of LOVE that they knew their parents and families would disown them for. But what they experienced they held onto with a tenacity that we as Americans only read about.

 This was incredible stuff to witness and actually be a part of. But there was something that happened during the first week of my stay in Japan that turned me upside down in fear but resulted in turning me right side up for God.

I don’t know what God has in store for me tomorrow, let alone three years from now. But I do know this—that I must seek God earnestly in faith with all my heart, soul, and strength—today!

Here's a video showing much of what teams like Paul's did in Japan.

If knowing Paul, or hearing about him touched your life, we'd love for you to leave a comment to let us know!

Search for Civilization

Well, anyway, Chuck and I got up and put our ponchos on. After we were dressed, we got the bear bag down out of a tree that I had to climb the previous night and quickly devoured a ‘high-energy’ breakfast (chocolate, hard candy, pop-tarts, trail cookies, beef jerky, etc.). We saved some granola bars for food on the way and then headed out, back-tracking our trail to the road we were on last night.

But before we got started a long way, we stopped and prayed. For we had no idea who or what we would find, or if we would find anyone. We had no real solid or sure idea of where we were, but we trusted fully in God, knowing He had brought us safely thus far. We had faith He would see us through.

 We hadn’t walked more than a quarter of a mile and we were really feeling it in our legs already. At that point I prayed to myself, “Lord, give me your strength, for I can’t make it on my own!” it was that split second of the looking upward to God that I suddenly walked swiftly in a steady, untiring stride. I told Chuck that I felt  better than ever.

For I couldn’t look inward for strength—I was completely drained from the previous night’s hike. But with God’s strength, through Christ Jesus, I can do all things! 

Isn’t that awesome?!

Water—finally! And Rain.

All of a sudden someone, I think it was Sarah, said they heard Eric and Ana returning. My eyes strained through the darkness in search of their light and sure enough, I saw it glimmer.

I prayed incessantly and hoped they’d be walking slowly because that would mean they were carrying the heavy and awkward water jug. As they drew near, I could faintly make out the water jug that would block the light from their flashlight with every other step and I yelled, “Do you have water?” with an exasperated cry of hope.

 I heard Eric reply with his notorious confirmation of, “You betcha!”

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! We’re saved. For Chuck and I would have had to go that very night in search of help if they didn’t. So with water now, we could put it off till morning. I ran to them and helped de-contaminate it with Polar-Pure. But my thirst was so intense that I drank some from a ‘contaminated’ water bottle anyway.

Well, that night what we really needed was rest. So we set up two tents. The four-man and one two-man. There were four who decided to sleep outside on their plastic.

We all sacked out, unaware that it would pour cats and dogs later that evening! I slept horribly on a bed of jagged roots and had to get up to go find help with Chuck at about seven or eight in the morning. Two of the four outdoor sleepers ran into the tents, after being soaked to the skin. The other two, Dan and Eric, ignored their extreme lack of dryness due to their excessive exhaustion.

More tomorrow.

The Fork in the Road

During the hike in the dark I came to what seemed like a triple or possible quadruple fork and there were no markers.

I sensed and felt the Lord’s leading, because without a moment’s hesitation I turned right and sure enough I saw a trail marker. Praise the Lord!

The three of us came to a steep, sloping hill going down into and along a ravine. We saw another sign which just said STS. The three of us were getting real tired but wanted to press on. We dropped off our packs at the signs near the base of the ravine and hiked on until we couldn’t see anything anymore.

 We headed back to our packs and suddenly saw another flashlight in front of us. It was Eric, leading the rest of the group! They made it, and in good time.

We got together and thought things out. Shirley needed rest and a doctor, and everyone needed to sleep. So we set up camp. 

There was one thing that we really desperately needed and that was water!  

We were nowhere near it, as far as we could see or hear. We sent Eric and Ana down the ravine with the jug and a couple water bottles.

I made a fire and we tried to comfort all the others. The girls were in tears and I was sooo thirsty. I had hiked for so long without water. I can’t express in words how much I needed a drink.

I prayed so earnestly that Eric and Ana would come back with water. The situation we were in was the most stressful ever on this trip, because we all didn’t know if we were on the right track or where we were or how we would ever get out. 

It was a time of total trust and reliance on the Lord for we didn’t know what lay ahead.

The Longest March

So now we had a long trek ahead of us. We were headed toward Prouty Park, but we blew four hours. We hiked and hiked and hiked some more. We had to make it to Prouty before nightfall.

The sun was setting slowly in the west and we hiked on, still in search of Prouty Park. We hiked over high ridges and mountains, which at their base looked promising. But they just went up again, onto another mountain.

We hiked for about four and a half hours when we entertained the dreadful thought of possibly having passed our destination. By the map, we should have reached it hours ago. But we saw no sign. So we hiked further. We crossed several roads and we were losing our strength.

Shirley, who was very sick, pressed on amazingly, but needed to rest. Julie started hyperventilating. Everyone was hurting pretty bad. We stopped on one road. It was the fourth or fifth road we crossed.

We again got in a circle and prayed. We prayed for strength, patience, courage, and health. Also wisdom in finding our way.

At that point Chuck, Dan and I went ahead to see if we could find our site. The sun was almost down, so we needed our flashlights. The markers on the trail were hard to see, so we went without packs. 

Chuck told the group that stayed behind to wait a half hour, and if we weren’t back, to head after us.
The sun set and it was dark. Real dark. 

We were moving quickly and prayed we wouldn’t get lost. I led the small group since I had the strongest light. During the hike in the dark I came to what seemed like a triple or possible quadruple fork.  

And there were no markers.

To be continued . . .

Desperate times call for desperate measures

"Mom and dad" got together to formulate a plan. The plan was to send two people down in search of a stream to get water. Chuck and Dan went back-tracking to find the trail markers or to figure out where we got screwed up. The rest of us would just sit tight and rest. The water was found and we drank our fill.

We were sitting about a half an hour, wondering how nice it would be if Chuck and Dan came back with the good news that they found the trail, and the next sound we heard was, “Yahoo! We found it!”

Chuck and Dan had found the path. We had gotten on an old path and had missed the sharp turn of the correct path. So we all hiked back up and found what we thought was the path. I was in the back, and I realized the path looked mighty familiar. There was another path we thought we had already crossed, but we didn’t.

So pretty early on and after I recognized two familiar signs, I told Chuck and we all realized we’d been there. We got back to where we were and took the correct path. We finally got it right. Praise the Lord!

Lost!

The Hike! I’m writing this after the fact. But the plain truth is that the Ingalls Family Highlander group got LOST!

We hiked for hours and came to a crossroad where we lost our signs and trail markers. We decided to go left, which was seemingly all right, but was wrong. We ate lunch and headed out with different couples to find the right way.

Dan and I went off and found what we thought was the trail, but when we all got there, we found out the trail ended very abruptly. We all wandered aimlessly for about an hour, then decided to go back to where we had lunch and go beyond that point to try and find a trail.

After about a mile and a half, we decided that wasn’t the right way, either. So  next, we stopped to pray, asking the Lord for strength, wisdom, and guidance. At that point, we voted to turn around to try the other road. So we went all the way back to the crossroad, and walked down the other path about two miles until the road just ended.

Now what were we supposed to do? We were so tired, and desperately needed water. The map was no help to us. It was getting late in the day and we were in need of rest.

To be continued . . .

Hornets!

I survived! The solo was so awesome; it was something I really needed. It felt so good to just be ALONE! Away from the “pack”. I needed to give God all the undivided attention and time that He so rightly deserves.

There are so many times when I’ve put God aside because I’m too busy, but, doing my solo, I felt so close to Him. That constant fellowship was a feast for my hungry soul, which was in desperate need of spiritual food. I almost—actually, I do—wish I could have stayed another day, being that I enjoyed my time so immensely. But we must go onward, upward, and outward!

When we all got back to the campsite of our “fearfully fearless” leaders, we ate a hearty breakfast—and, boy, do I love blueberry pancakes. Our group got back before Jeff and Jenny’s group, so we left earlier to spread us apart. We hiked for a good fifteen to twenty minutes before we came to a stream, which we had to cross.

 Some were crossing and others were on the side waiting when, all of a sudden, Sarah started screaming. She was stomping and waving her arms frantically. I was nearest to her, and rushed over, thinking maybe there’s a snake—but Sarah was being attacked by angry, vicious hornets!

I started running the other way, but not fast enough, for one of those angry little buggers nailed me in the right calf. Ouch! All my bad memories and experiences came rushing back. I yelled at everyone else to clear out and high-tail it out of there. And, as it was, only Sarah and I were victims. Sarah got stung four times, twice on each calf, just once for me. We lost a half an hour of travel time, but what can you do about things like that?

The hike itself was so BEAUTIFUL! I loved every step of the way, even with the pain of the sting still lingering. I thought to myself, coming from a very large city and seeing all the millions of houses crammed together, it’s so nice and refreshing to know that there is some untouched and unspoiled forest-land to fully enjoy. During the hike we saw many deer, and boy, are they beautiful. Further on, we came across the bones of an animal who we think may have been a small raccoon or ‘possum. It was so neat. I took the skull for a souvenir.

We finally ended our hike for today near the Williams’ house. Dan, Eric, Jim, and I went exploring up and down the stream nearby in our now-wet sneakers. We found large crayfish. After dinner we boiled them till they were a gorgeous red and shelled and consumed them. Yum! Boy, were they delicious. They were so good that the four of us and Jeff and Oliver went to look for more as a late snack. We found sixty small crayfish and feasted on them later with Tabasco sauce (thanks to Jeff). They were really good, but not too filling. The raccoons, I’m sure, will have a feast of all the crayfish scraps we threw away.

But, anyway, it’s late and I’m real tired, so I’m off to “La-La Land”. Goodnight, y’all!

Solo, Part 7

As I started rereading the ‘loneliness’ booklet and heard of Paul, the apostle and Jesus who were lonely at various times, I began to think back to my ‘quiet-time’ study of the book of Job.

Job, at first, had no reason whatsoever to be lonely because he had all he needed. God greatly blessed him as the most righteous man at that time. But Satan was given the opportunity to inflict Job with great loss and physical pain as a test of faith. Job experienced great loneliness and isolation.

But even when Job’s three friend taunted him and did not speak of what was right of God, Job perceived and clung to God throughout and took comfort and encouragement in knowing that God was with him always and had a plan for him. Job had human companions, such as his wife and his three friends, to deter his loneliness, but they only caused him grief and misery. It was God that gave him comfort and kept beside him always.

Just now as I was whittling a stick to pass some time, I felt lonely and hungry. I don’t feel really lonely but I wish I could be back with my group. I sometimes, without realizing it, glance up at Sarah, who has no fire at all and is bundled up, but she keeps singing songs which is so very pleasant and lifts my spirits.

I’m pretty near to our main campsite and can occasionally hear either Jeff or Chuck belch real loud (But I could be wrong, it might have been Caroline or Jenny who belched loud!) I also heard someone jump in the small swimming hole and they sounded like little kids. Boy, I wish I could be there with them.

But I can wait patiently another night. I’ve really had some awesome quality time with the Lord and look forward to what else he has in store to teach me about myself.

Solo, part 6

This afternoon I had a fabulous time with the Lord! I was doing the page 6-7 couple time sheets on loneliness.

I read in I Kings the story of Elijah and the Baal worshippers and marveled at his faith in God’s awesome power, which turned a whole people from Baal worship to trust in the one, true, living God. Jesus Christ, the Lord.

In the following chapter, we see a big change in Elijah’s attitude. He finds out that he has a ‘price on his head’, so to speak, and flees. He hides under a tree and asks—pleads—with God to take his life, for he is no better than his ancestors.

Elijah didn’t trust God in that situation. He saw his life was at stake and fled. Elijah felt alone and isolated at that point and felt failure, too, I’m sure. He felt unworthy in God’s eyes.

But as always, God has other plans and delivers us from these lonely times. God put Elijah on another mission which resulted in him finding an attendant, Elisha, who in turn lessens his workload and solves his problem of loneliness.

God always provides for his children. In the same way, I’ve learned to always rely on God to help deliver me from whatever troubles me.

Solo, Part 5

The time, by the sun’s position, seems to be about 4:30 or 5:00 pm, around dusk. I’m laying on my plastic, just relaxing and thinking of how beautiful today has been and also looking forward, Lord willing, to another beautiful night.

I really don’t have anything to write about, but I feel like writing anyway. I have enough firewood to last me five days and my fire is still burning slowly with red hot embers glowing more with the passing of each breeze.

For lunch today I had that vile-tasting nut bar. Oh, how awful. I had them once before during our time rock climbing. I had to eat that little strawberry candy to get rid of that horrible aftertaste. But still, I'm thankful that I have food to begin with; no matter how small the amount.

Solo, Part 4

I’ve learned so much these past few days and I’m still learning more as the time goes by.

I’ve learned my physical limitations during both the ropes course and the rock climbing. I was stretched and pulled in directions and areas that put me in a position where I could only trust in the Lord for help, guidance, and strength.

I think now how shallow and hopeless it is for man to trust safely in himself and his own strength. For a person such as that has lost out in life and will only inherit death everlasting.

Man needs God and God has, over this period of time, increased my desire to go out and tell others in any way I can. For I know I can do it because I have Christ’s strength and blessing in that task.

Solo, Part 3

As I write, pestering flies (by the thousands, it seems) are flying overhead and are crawling all over me.

I never really looked at a fly very much. Maybe I was bored or something, but I looked at this one as God’s creation. It’s just a small, minute part of the whole, yet as small and as seemingly insignificant a fly seems, it exemplifies God’s creation.

Man can conjure up all kinds of crazy and inane theories about how man was created or evolved, but it is so far-fetched that it sounds silly. But the sad fact is that man will always search for his own way and his own meaning. They don’t want to believe there is a God who is in control, because that means they’re number two, and not number one. Man will always be seeking ‘self’.

But the tiny fly possesses an intricately detailed structure. Abilities to fly, eat, reproduce, see out of those large eyes, all around with intense accuracy, and also sense danger when overcome by the shadow of someone’s hand, etc. The fly alone can disprove any theory of evolution and make it crystal clear that it was created by a superior being who has total and infinite control.

Solo, Part 2

Thank you Lord for a beautiful night. The sound of the flowing and trickling stream was so peaceful and relaxing. The still air and vivid darkness makes your senses attuned to all of creation. The stars shone brightly in their full intensity and I sat in wondrous awe of God’s infinite greatness, realizing that God is bigger and greater than the vast universe and he loves little me so much that he sent his son here to die for my sins. I love you Lord, and thank you for dying for me so that I might have eternal life.

I thank God also for keeping the embers of my fire still hot so that I might have a fire this morning. God is so good to me. After the fire was started, I spent time just focusing on the Lord, praising him and giving him glory. I sang spontaneously as words of praise just flowed from my lips. I felt so close to God at that time.

His presence was with me and as I sang praises to Him and read scriptures expressing his power and greatness. Tears of joy and thankfulness came from my eyes. It is such a thrill to know and spend quality time with the Lord, in his awesome and glorious creation. I truly wish that I could spend time such as this Solo, more often! Today is another beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly and there is a cool breeze blowing.

Solo, Part 1

I can’t believe it. I’ve looked forward to this time for so long and here it is.

Well anyway, I’m here at my site. I’ll be here for two nights and a day. All I have with me is what I’m wearing, a flashlight, knife, three matches, some snack food, a little water, my sleeping bag, plastic, journal, and bible.

I arrived at my site and at first look I really wasn’t happy with it. I’m at the river’s edge in the marshy bushes below a steep hill, under a few trees. I knew I had a lot of work to do, so I got tons of firewood and designated my spot for the fireplace.

Within a triangle of downed, dead trees, I laid out flat rocks as a solid and firm stone floor within which I would erect my fire. I got started and soon began to really like my spot. I thanked God for it and praised him for what I had. I decided to start my fire. My small teepee was set up of small twigs.

I lit my first match—and I broke the top. Oh no! Only two matches left. I had to get it on the next try. Lord, I prayed. I ask you to help me get my fire started just as you started my soul on fire for you. I need its light and warmth. Thank you.

I struck the next match, and poof! It burst into flame. I slowly started adding small twigs and gradually moved up to heavier-sized ones as the fire grew. I was so very thankful for the Lord’s answer to my prayers.

I now have a raging two and a half foot bonfire that I pray will burn through the night and have enough coals to start up another fire in the morning.

Oh, look up at the sky! The stars are out again in full force. How good God is to me. I thank you Lord for saving my soul and making me whole. Thank you Lord and now I ask you to give me a good nights sleep and keep me dry also. Good night.

Rise and Shine

We’ve got to pack up because we’re leaving soon. All of the Highlander groups are now together and will leave together. It has been a while since I’ve seen the others.

I’ve grown so close to the members of my group and the other groups we were with that I hardly recognize the people from the other Highlander groups. But I’ve already started to make friendships with the others. They’re a really great bunch of people, too. I hope I can make the same level of friendships with them as I did with the people I my group.

 I really enjoyed getting to know my group. I now can safely and happily say that I have accomplished one of my many goals—a very important goal—that was and still is to make long-lasting friendships before college starts. God has also really worked in my life during this time, unlike any other time in my entire life.


Well, here we are on our point of departure. Our packs are on and off we go . . . 

Time to go solo.

A Night Under the Creator's Handiwork

  The final part of the trip. Last night, before the trip, I and about twelve others slept outside to view the stars. They were out in full force, and I heard from Greg that tonight was the tail end of a previous meteor shower. It was so beautiful. We all sang songs and thought of God’s mighty and awesome power.

To personally know the Creator of all earth and heaven is almost too incredible to fathom. I saw about eight shooting stars and also an orbiting satellite. During the (seemingly) very early hours the moon came around and shone so bright and intense that it was as if it were daylight. I had always wondered why it was that when the stars are out in full force, that the moon doesn’t appear. But last night I found out where it was hiding. It really took my breath away (and I haven’t even brushed my teeth in about a day and a half!).

Well anyway, I managed to get some sleep after Dan and Kim stopped singing, and Eric and Julie stopped talking. Man, they talked for hours on end, I couldn’t believe it. During the night we all noticed that our sleeping bags, which were on plastic sheets, were becoming damp and in the morning we woke up with the top sides of our bags soaked. It was awful, but the view and fun we had last night made it all worthwhile. You don’t get to see a view that beautiful and unaffected by lights in New York City.

8/24/89 PART 2 OF FIFTH DAY BACK AT THE ROCKS. . . .

 Sometimes God doesn't give us the success we long for, and we're consumed with frustration and failure. Here's what happened to me.

PART 2 OF FIFTH DAY
BACK AT THE ROCKS. . . .

The first climb I attempted was Showpiece. I was on that rock for an hour and twenty minutes. I just couldn’t reach around that large flake. I just lost all strength. It was so frustrating. There were many times when a small surge of strength came back and it got me a little higher, closer to my goal, but I just couldn’t get any further. I tried and tried and just couldn’t. I asked the Lord for strength and believed that I would make it past that hard half-way point, but I was just too burnt out.

All I could think about was yesterday's climb on Rogue Gallery. There I was, stuck, and I relied totally on the Lord. I asked for strength and in a full-fledged last effort I received the strength to climb up and over. I could just feel the Lord with me.

On the Showpiece climb I could feel the Lord with me all the way, but I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t making this climb. Why was the Lord withholding from me the success of that climb? I could see that my belayers were tiring and had to change, and Bob was telling me that I’ve been up for a long time. But I didn’t want to give up. I wanted that rock so bad!

The Lord didn’t, though.

He had different plans and they were contrary to my desires. I now think that I was wanting the success of getting to the top and not believing in the in the total success of giving it my total best, 110%! I had to let go of the pride there was inside that was hindering me and starting to block-out my trust in God and the crucial moment.

After one last attempt, which failed miserably, I had to accept that what I had attained was my limit, physically, at the time. I got down and almost collapsed from exhaustion, but in the eyes of my friends I didn’t fail.

For I had given my very best and that’s all they expected.

It was so encouraging to know that. I reached my limitations and was stretched far beyond anything before. I’m so thrilled to have been on this trip.

A long while after my attempt at Showpiece, I heard Bob say that it was time to start wrapping things up. I wanted to do one last climb before we left and didn’t know if I would be able to because of the time and, mostly, because of my exhausted muscles. At that moment the Finali climb was free and a last invitation to climb was given. No one else wanted to climb, so I said that I would like to.

I soon started up the cliff and found it slightly difficult in the low sections, but as I passed those spots I started enjoying myself and rebuilt my confidence in trusting the Lord to guide me to my goal and limit. I made it to the top and felt slightly “redeemed”, but it was a much easier climb than the Showpiece, which was rated as a 5.8-5.9 climb.

I learned so much about myself in these two days. The challenges were stretching and exhilarating and I would do them all over again whenever the opportunity arose.

8/24/89 Procrastination & Consolation

Have you ever felt a strong urge to share Christ with someone . . . and didn't? Me too. Read on for the story.

Fifth Day 

Actually, I just made a mistake. I meant to write about something that happened last night after the campfire, but technically it may have been just very early this morning.

Last night my tent-mate Eric started talking to me about something he had on his mind. It was weird because he and I were really tired and what he was talking about was really from the heart. It was something serious. I can’t really say what, but it was something that was bothering him and he needed someone to tell.

We talked and listened to each other. Actually, Eric talked the most and I listened. He had to get some things clear in his mind, which he did. I also talked about a similar experience and gave my testimony, which was similar to his. We related to each other and found consolation and comfort that it was the Lord who brought us both out of our situation.

Eric later talked about a school friend he knew who needs the Lord but he hasn’t told him. The whole time he was in school he never told this friend about Christ, but he still keeps in touch with him. I saw in Eric a picture of myself when I was in the ninth grade. I could have told this one close friend of mine about Christ, but my life didn’t exemplify it at all. I thought about it, but didn’t.

Then later on, after I had put aside my silly selfishness and started to truly live for Christ, I felt the desire to see this friend of mine get saved. The very next day I went to school all psyched to witness to my friend Joe, but I went to class and he wasn’t there. Day after day went by and he didn’t show up. I started wondering and worrying where he was. No one knew when I asked. I later asked a teacher who knew, and Joe had moved and transferred schools. I lost my chance and opportunity. I may have been the only one to tell him and I blew it. Boy, did that hurt my spirit. I now use that experience to tell others and not procrastinate and to not be ashamed.

After Eric and I talked, we both prayed and asked God for the determination to press on after our friends and family that don’t know Christ as savior. We also thanked God for giving us the desire for souls and asked Him to increase that desire. I really felt God’s presence among us last night.

Eric and I have a much stronger friendship and trust. In the future I feel confident that I can come to him with problems or just to talk. Thank you, Lord, for Eric and Your work in his life. And thank you, Eric, for opening up and sharing your life with me.

To be continued ...

8/23/89 Wet Sleeping Bags & Rope Burn

I can’t believe it. I mean, it’s the total opposite of what I had planned.

Last night I thought to myself [and noted from past experience] that either the morning dew or rain will always give you a wet tent and sleeping bag. So what I do is take my large plastic bag and put the bottom half of my sleeping bag inside. I do that thinking that I’ll have a dry sleeping bag and feet that aren’t soggy in the morning.

Now, can you guess what happened?

I woke up to find myself dry, my mat dry, the tent bottom dry, Eric and his sleeping bag dry, and the bottom of my sleeping bag wet! Of all things. Well, I thought and came to the scientific fact that heat generating from within an enclosed plastic covering produces moisture condensation. I’ve also learned never to sleep inside a plastic bag. Boy, I’ll never do that again. I’m glad I learned that early.

Jogging, I learned, was so much fun that I’ve decided to get into a regular schedule every day (starting the week AFTER Highlander!) I really enjoy it and have found that it’s one of my strengths. I hope to one day join the cross country team at Houghton, but I will just trust the Lord for His leading. Thank you, Lord, for my health and my ability to run, and may I use it to bring glory and honor to your name.

Here we are at the climb. . . Woe and wow! It’s incredible, awesome! The expressions on everyone’s faces are a sight in themselves. The sky above the top ridge is beautiful and also the view is tremendous.

I just belayed and my hands are killing me. Anna was climbing and she had a tough climb element, the Army Days climb. She struggled at times, but was determined not to give up. Anna is really a person who fully commits herself to whatever she does. She has really taught me a lot about self-confidence. She also changed her perspective and searched every angle fully. From that she chose her route and succeeded to the top carabiner. She fully trusted me and I then felt the unity between her and I in my climb. We relied on each other and trust in God to pull her through.

I MADE IT! I’VE CONQUERED ROGUE GALLERY!

My first climb. It was attempted by Terry and Rich, both of which tried super hard with strong determination, but just got worn out and frustrated. Matt later tried and made it. I followed Matt and made it too. That really felt good and built my confidence. I learned to trust in the strength of my arms and the rock and the Lord. . . TOTALLY.

My next climb was Rogue Gallery. I again followed Matt, who did an excellent climb. I got hooked up and started up. It was fairly easy up to the cave part. But once under there you couldn’t see where to go. The tree right there is so tempting to use but it really doesn’t help you. You really have to trust in your feet to push you out and over. I tried and failed at the attempt, but I really asked God to give me the strength because I was being quickly drained of all, and I mean all my energy.

But even after, I still slipped and boy, was I scared. I got closer but only very slowly. I had to jam my arm in the crack but, unfortunately, my right arm was still really sore from rope burn. The pain was so intense and the task so difficult that failure was flashing before me.

I really didn’t know whether I would make it or not. The Lord really revealed to me a lot about myself, there in that awkward spot. But I surged forth with my every last bit of energy and reached above to a better hold. I then had made it. The encouragement from above and below was so needed and helpful. I felt like part of a family, really. Thanks, everyone, for your faith in me and thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength and protection.

8/22/89 Frustration, Pain, & Disappointment, Part 2

I'm second from the left.

Today I came across many emotions: frustration, self-doubt, pain, disappointment and mixed emotions concerning the various elements. But tonight I felt something that pained me, not physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

I came to the Highlander desiring to make good, quality friendships and to spend time with people and fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Before this past school year, I made a commitment to turn over a certain area of my life fully to the Lord, asking Him to take all the worries off my mind and to follow His sovereign and right guidance.

I gave the Lord my dating life.

About three and a half months before, I had broken up with my girlfriend, with whom I was going steady with for a little less than a year. She was going away to college and I was going to Japan on a summer missions trip and I prayed about the situation and thought it best that we depart as friends to ease the pain of good-bye. 

Well, all’s well and this past year I trusted the Lord to control my dating life, letting Him guide me to the people He wanted me with, etc. I really thought God was leading me to this one girl, named Tracy. Oh, what a fine Godly woman she was and is. I really felt sooooo happy around her. She made me laugh and feel carefree. And when she was sad or hurt, I would really, really feel for her as if her hurting was my hurting. 

The problem was that she didn’t have the same feelings for me as I had for her, and she knew my feelings because I told her how I felt about her. She lived very far from where I lived, and now is even further away in college. We’re still great friends and have very open conversations about how we feel, and stuff. But anyway, I, in my heart, am not giving up on someone so special to me just because of distance.

Well, anyway, as I thought of college and all the social activities it entails, I was hit with the question and issue of dating. I haven’t dated anyone for a whole year. School has been a full-time job for me, and I have a slight apprehensiveness about things at Houghton.

During the course of the Highlander Adventure, I made friends with just about everyone. They’re all starting to feel like family. There have been, I must admit, some that have “caught my eye”, so to speak.

Well, anyway, at one instance I felt very insecure in myself and in how others saw and viewed me. Am I truly and fully trusting Christ in this situation, or am I feeling sorry for myself? That is what I said to myself. What’s going to happen in the future? I don’t know. 

But all of a sudden I realized that Satan was inflicting doubt and lack of self-worth. Saying to me, “You’re alone and uninteresting to anyone.” I had thought that I conquered those fears and doubts, but it’s as if Satan brings them back at bad times to get your spirit down and make you doubt God’s sovereign plan for my life. 

Christ will never reject me. He has perfect timing. I must trust in Him totally and put aside all doubt; not be worried about everything. Let God take control, be patient. 

Thank you, Lord, for forgiving me when I, at times, lose trust in your plan. I’m near-sighted to what you hold in my future, but I’m willing to follow it, whatever your will is.

8/22/89 Frustration, Pain, & Disappointment, Part 1

I just came from my couple time and I have to say that I enjoy that time the most. I’ve learned so much about myself and about what God wants for me. Anna and I have really grown closer and have been able to share experiences that are very hard to talk about. We share similar experiences and can understand each other’s feelings. It feels so good to know someone understands your feelings.

Frustration! Man, was I frustrated! I just came from the Bowston Chairs. Ugg!! It was early in the morning. It was my first attempt of the day and boy, did my body and muscles ache after last night’s surprise swim in Houghton’s refreshing pool. Their HOT WATER SHOWERS! Clean and fresh smelling toilets, cold water fountains and this morning’s very early jog that was a bit lengthier than yesterday’s.

But anyway, I got on the balance beam and I was mentally calm and relaxed, but my legs shook by themselves. I don’t know why. After making it across I got on the first swing fairly easily. Then, caught the second by swinging. The most frustrating part about going from swing to swing was the fact that my self-belay line would always tangle around the swing I was on, so even when I had grabbed the next swing, I had to sometimes let it go to just untangle myself. 

To add to the frustration, my hands burned from those ultra-coarse ropes. I received my first real initiation, rope burns and hand blisters. But I trust the Lord in His Word which says that, “He who has started a good work in you will finish it unto it’s completion.” (slightly paraphrased). But I started the day asking the Lord to carry me through the day safely and with good spirits.

So, as I started the Bowston Chairs I knew I had to finish them. The frustration made it very difficult to see myself finish and with good spirits and attitude. But when I did finish, it felt so good. Thanks, God, for believing in me and having patience with me when I lose trust in you at times. Help me to become stronger in trust.

Now, ONWARD to the element with more experience and trust in the Lord!

Severe PAIN has just been experienced! I was unaware that when on the tail (swinging) en of the Walinda Walk element, one should aways wear sweat pants (check!) and a sweatshirt. Now, judging from the size and pain of the rope burn on my arm, you can guess which piece of required clothing I was without. But I’ll tell you. . . IT SURE WUZ FUN TRYIN’!

Note: TO HIGHLANDER ROPES CREW: In the future, a padded wrap around that coarse rope of the cargo net would be most appreciated by all. Thank you.

Disappointment. . . Today we left early for the rock climbing and I never got a chance to get on the zip line. I was really looking forward to riding it. But, as things had it, I only got to watch. There were a couple other elements that I missed. But I can understand that there is a time element, too. You can’t spend all day on the ropes. Oh well, that’s the breaks.

I now have an even stronger desire to become a Highlander leader. Not just to finish the ropes course completely, but to spend time teaching others the valuable lesson I’ve already learned. I’ve always been a patient person. It is an area the Lord has really developed in me, so I take this experience and trust in the Lord’s perfect timing.

8/21/89 Second day of Highlander

Excellent! Fabulous! Great! Awesome! Radical! Etc. Etc.

Today was a blast! I felt emotions & feelings that I either haven’t felt in a while or never felt at all. Out of all the elements, the most trying for me (so far) was the Dangle Do. I stood and encouraged everyone and even belayed quite a few times. I was the second to go. I had sent everyone do it and heard that it was difficult. Boy, were they right. On the fourth and fifth run you have to balance and lunge yourself to the next rung. I had the courage and determination but my left leg wouldn’t push me further.

This was an element that taught me a lesson about my limitations and fears. I made failing attempts and tried again and at last succeeded. It took the encouragement of my friends, trust in the Lord’s promise of Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Also trust in my belayer. There were points at which feelings of self-doubt set in, but were all quickly over-rided by the Lord’s promises. I guess it’s just like life: we’ll come across many obstacles which we have to overcome to move onward and upward. And it’s only through total trust in Christ that will help you succeed.

Other challenges were the Pamper Pole. Climbing up was exciting, yet increasingly fearful, for the pole swayed as you approached the top. On reaching the top platform you have to slowly and carefully hoist yourself on top. Never look down, for if you do you’ll lose your concentration. You want to focus on something ahead of you, get your stable balance, then complete your task of getting the trapeze. In your Christian life we are faced with fears, trials, problems, etc., and if we don’t focus our mind and heart on the solid rock of Jesus Christ, we lose our concentration and stumble and fall spiritually.

Trust totally in his caring guidance and wisdom. Also in belaying, we have to give commands to each other . . . “On belay . . . Belay on . . . climbing . . . Climb on . . . Off belay”. These simple commands are for the purpose of safety, to make sure the belayer and climber are both ready. In the same way, God gives us commands all through the scriptures. They were made to keep us out of trouble and safe. If we disobey and neglect or shun these commands, we get ourselves hurt. This disobedience in turn hurts God’s loving heart. Trust and obey God.

First Journal Entry: 8/20/89

Heading out into the wilderness. My niece, Emily, wears my favorite Maxell shirt now.

Before my freshman year at Houghton College began, I participated in an outdoor class called Highlander. We were asked to keep a journal each day detailing what we did, and what God was teaching us. Being an artist, I couldn't help adding some illustrations.

First Day
Friendship & Trust. Yes. I can truly say that those were the 2 most valuable things I learned today. There was also a quick and strong spiritual unity among my new companions.

 The first element of the day was the trust-fall. I’ve done this before but falling backwards . . . freefall is not such a comfortable feeling. As I stood atop the platform and fell backwards into the arms--the secure arms--of my companions, the first emotion was sudden fear, but a split second later, while in mid-air I felt a calm sensation. The calm set in the second I put my total trust in my friends below.

This can be exactly compared to the trust you put in the Lord. Before we accept Christ as savior we have an internal fear that He may “ruin” our lives; be a big “killjoy”. But that’s the exact opposite of what he has in mind. 

When we put our total and complete faith in Him we experience the greatest joy and peace--ever. In life we can’t stand alone—we need Christ & He wants us to trust Him. He stands with open arms, secure and loving arms that will never leave you or forsake you. And when you lean back into his arms and realize the security within, then an amazing peace overcomes your spirit. And also as when you’ve fallen into His arms he hugs you and loves you as his child.

A Walk in the Clouds

Here's an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote while flying to Japan on my final missions trip:

June 10, 1991 The most wonderful view so far on this trip was flying through the jumbo, billowing clouds that hovered high above the Great Lake Ontario.

Clouds are, to me, the most relaxing creation of God to my eyes. I love to stare at them and imagine romping through them, light as a pillow, but hence, my feet only allow me to walk the hard, shin-splinting pavement.

However, at this moment in flight I was right next to the colossal, cotton candy mountains. They really do look like cotton candy, no lie. The perspective and proportion to being up close and into the clouds as opposed to prudently viewing them from the ground is beyond belief. Huge chambers, courtyards, lagoons, notches of seclusion were all formed but unoccupied by any life, except that of birds and metal birds, such as the noisy infusion of my jet airliner.

I longed to explore these cloud puff caverns and hideaways, but I would only have the chance to view them, for I would soon pass them by in a disrupting roar, and the cotton candy mountains of imagination and explorative bliss would they themselves blow away to form new creations. I thank the Lord for such a view of beauty and peace.

One day I will have that chance to frolic in the clouds, rejoicing in the salvation and love of God.

Three months and ten days after this journal entry, I got my wish.

1971 to Eternity

Today is June 1st. My birthday. I would have been 40 years old today. Twenty years ago, I was in a car accident that took my life and the life of my friend Jim. This September 25th marks the end of my second decade in heaven.

My family found my journals and letters that I left behind. They thought some of the things I wrote about and struggled though might encourage others on their own journey. I hope and pray that's true, and that each of you reading this blog will join me in heaven one day.

I'll be waiting to welcome you.

My friend Jim on the left, Eric in the middle, and me on the right. Jim and I were in the car when the accident happened.